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Did anyone else think we were suddenly going to have a return of Helen’s dad for the episode? There he is, holding a lamb, and then poof! He vanishes into the depths of lambing season, never to be seen again. Maybe that actor was on set and they said “Hey, let’s do a quick script rewrite and have a Helen’s dad cameo.” Or someone in charge really wanted to have a gruff man holding a lamb on camera. Either way, I’m on board.
One of the most amazing things about mentally dwelling in this 1930s farming community for an hour every week is its society’s insistence on euphemism and/or silent implication. Sure, you could just come out and say, “This dog is farting up a storm” and “We want to have a baby, so we better bang up a storm” (that could become a phrase; you don’t know), but where is the charm? Where is the graceful embarrassment? Where is the misunderstanding on my part that thinks Mrs. Pumphrey is trying to say the dog humps everything in sight? (Also known as “humping up a storm.”) You can’t just say things, just like you can’t not wear a tweed jacket. Speaking of which, there are some truly great tweed jackets this week.
There is also someone new at the practice! Student vet Richard Carmody comes to Skeldale House, and James is all hyped to mentor him, but then Richard bonds with Siegfried and James becomes very “I’m ten and feel left out” about the whole thing. Relatable! I remain accepting but suspicious of Richard. Not suspicious like, who is this young man who is clearly up to no good, but suspicious of whether we can adopt him into the Skeldale Family. We tried that just last week with Miss Harbottle, and it was disastrous. The practice is a delicate ecosystem and you can’t just go around shoving new people into it all willy-nilly. Unless that person is us, because we would protect and love everyone there.
Richard shows up and is immediately accused by Siegfried of being late, but Richard offers Siegfried cold, hard facts about why he is, in fact, right on time. Siegfried says he stands corrected. It didn’t feel like a cold day in hell, but here we are. Siegfried then chats with Richard about his upcoming exams, and they throws around a lot of science words like “autonomic nervous system.” I’m so glad James and Siegfried usually choose to say things like “your horse has wheezy lungs” (not an exact quote) because otherwise, I would never know what was happening. Speaking of, Richard specializes in horses, much like Siegfried. Do we know James’s specialty? It’s probably cows. This horse specialty fails Richard later on, but before we get to that, we have to talk about farty dogs.
Well, one farty dog. Mrs. Pumphrey is extremely distressed because her foster dog, Cedric, has “something of an antisocial malady.” Again, I thought this meant the dog was humping everything in sight. But it’s flatulence. This is sometimes why you just want to say what you mean. People will assume other stuff. Anyway, Cedric the Farting Dog is a problem because Mrs. Pumphrey is hosting a community tea party, which is apparently a thing. James is expected to attend said party, which he is bummed about, because he and Helen want some private time. Wink wink, nudge nudge, in the language of the show. They’re both exhausted, but they’ve decided to have a baby. Presumably to make it so their current exhaustion seems like a yawn compared to needing a Rip Van Winkle–level slumber.
I have questions about how much James and Helen, currently living in the attic of Skeldale House, have thought this baby plan through or discussed it with literally anyone else. I know it’s “technically no one’s business,” but a baby can be a huge deal! I don’t know why I’m fretting about it, though, because Siegfried and Mrs. Hall are going to be amazing grandparents, especially since they’re not that much older than James and, therefore, have plenty of stamina to watch the baby while James and Helen sleep.
Should we just say it now, by the way? Helen is pregnant. Or thinks she is. It ends the episode, but I’m so sorry; I do not care about James and Helen’s relationship and I kind of wish we had just spent more time on the farting dog. He knocks over a whole table of cakes! Comedy! For those who love James and Helen in this series and think they have loads of chemistry, I salute you. To me, they are best friends and roommates, and it feels weird when they kiss.
Helen figures out that Cedric is gassy because of anxiety from missing home (his dad is in the army), so Mrs. Pumphrey finds his blanket and toys, and he calms down. Animals: they’re just like us to a distressing degree! Maybe we shouldn’t eat them! But we have so many billions more chickens than people on the planet, so I don’t know. Cedric’s all fine now and hanging out with Tricki Woo (Trickiiiiii!!!), although he did indeed knock over the cake table at the garden party. But that feels like typical dog comedy shenanigans. The real drama is the wheezy horse. The drama? Not the wheezing, it turns out!!
The men from army are running around doing training, and they are rudely leaving gates open. Any animal could just wander onto the road, and lo, so it comes to pass. Right after a local farm woman’s horse, Teasel (TEASEL IS SO BEAUTIFUL), is deemed on the mend from her wheezing condition known as heaves, Teasel bolts out through the open gate. Teasel!! James comes upon her and she has impaled herself on a fence post. It’s very distressing. Spoilers: Teasel turns out okay, thank GOD. If you haven’t read Tess of the D’Urbervilles, one of the most depressing books on earth, one of the very first things that happens and sends everything spiraling downward is that Tess’s horse gets impaled and presumably dies (I’ve forgotten most of that book). Not like our Teasel!! James and Siegfried, with patchy help from Richard, the supposed horse specialist, remove the post, staunch the wound, and sew her back up. Teasel is a champion!
Wow, I completely blotted the Gerald and Mrs. Hall plot from my mind until this very moment. Mrs. Hall tells Gerald she’s getting a divorce, then he gets hurt because he finds out Siegfried has known for weeks. Later, Mrs. Hall and Gerald kiss twice. You know when you’re like thirteen and really into Days of Our Lives, and Marlena kisses Roman, and you scream in horror and call your friend who tells you to breathe into a paper bag? Then you get older, and you realize people can go through many relationships in life, and it doesn’t detract from anything if they date someone else, and it might, in fact, put them in a better place for the person they end up with. All that goes out the window for me with Mrs. Hall and Siegfried, and I become the screaming, paper bag-breathing thirteen-year-old (or a milder version of her; I do have neighbors). Gerald seems very nice, and Mrs. Hall deserves someone nice, but she also deserves someone who is challenging and will keep her interested and on her toes and who has a pet rat and sings Gilbert and Sullivan. I would say Gerald is the Roman of All Creatures, but no one deserves that. I did, however, knock a star off the episode rating because of the kiss. I have tyrannies, and I will exercise them pettily.
Once again, no animals died this week! Are we getting a reprieve? Is this a whole new world where animals can run into sharpened sticks and live, no matter what? What if season four has secretly changed genres, and we slowly realize the animals in the Yorkshire Dales cannot die? And it’s up to the members of Skeldale House to find out who’s behind it and why. Not going to lie, I would love that. But everyone has to keep wearing tweed.
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