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Tolstoy said, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I want to amend that statement: “Mothers all just want their kids to be happy; every uncle is chaotic in his own way.” Hometowns are a tough week. It’s a necessary transition from the jet-setting adventure dates and interpersonal dramas of midseason Bach into the endgame leading up to an engagement, and I’m not suggesting we do away with them, but I also don’t have much to say about them without getting repetitive. None of the families are notably weird or mean or cringe enough to make an impression (with the very small exception of Joey’s uncle, who we’ll get to). They all have the exact right level of “Yeah, this is weird, but my son is an adult who can do what he wants.” They all think Charity is lovely, and how could she not fall in love with their amazing son? It’s all just so very nice. (Read: boring.) With that in mind, I’m giving you, me, and my editors a break this week with a short recap outlining where each man stands heading into overnights.
First, we head to Houston to meet Aaron’s family. The theme of this date is how their connection has faltered after starting off strong. Charity hopes they can catch up on this hometown date. (Spoiler: They won’t.) Aaron has a sweet moment crying with his dad, and Charity says this is a family she’d want to be in, but otherwise, it’s a pretty uneventful family meeting. After taking Charity to sit on his high-school football field wearing custom letterman jackets, Aaron plays the Lauren Alaina song they danced to in their one-on-one and says he’s falling in love with Charity. She cries a lot at this (and credit to her makeup artist — her eye makeup DOES NOT BUDGE). I guess she’s crying so hard because she knows Aaron will be cut this week. At the rose ceremony, which for some reason always takes place in an airplane hangar after hometowns, Aaron doesn’t get a rose. This is despite Charity telling Jesse, who we see for the first time since he presumably got lost in the Washington wilderness hunting Sasquatch, that she’s falling in love with all four men. She worries aloud that she made the wrong decision, but that is also the decision I would make, so obviously it is correct.
How far will he make it?: Aaron goes home this week, but we’ll almost certainly see him on Bachelor in Paradise. (The teaser for next week shows someone unexpectedly returning, but I doubt it’s Aaron. My money’s on Nehemiah.)
Bachelor odds: Not great. Dragon slayers never get the big job.
Next, we’re off to Collegeville, Pennsylvania, to meet Joey’s family, the only date with any sort of friction. Joey has already told Charity that he’s falling in love with her, and she tells us that if the date goes well, she’ll reciprocate. Of course, that is not what happens because that’s not how this show works. Before meeting his family, Joey takes her for a tennis lesson because he’s a tennis pro, naturally. During the date, Joey’s tennis coach and mentor (who also happens to be his uncle Joe, who he is presumably named after) shows up to surprise them. This was not good for Joey because Uncle Joe later tells Charity he doesn’t think Joey is being 100 percent himself with her. Why do I feel like these two had a real Whiplash thing going on? There’s a reason Joey moved to Hawaii is all I’m saying. Anyway, Joey’s family is nice, but Uncle Joe’s comments worry Charity enough that she doesn’t tell Joey she’s falling in love with him like she planned. She cries so much saying good-bye to him that Joey is extremely insecure about where they stand heading into the rose ceremony, but I’ve watched this show for long enough to read through the lines. The guy we see sweating the most is going to get the last rose of the night. You can’t trick me, Bachelorette producers!
How far will he make it?: Final two.
Bachelor odds: I peeked at the comments section of a recent post on the official Bachelorette account, which were almost unanimously in favor of Joey as Bachelor. It’s the most boring option, which probably means it’s the one we’ll get.
Here we are in Cleveland to visit Xavier’s family. Charity reiterates that she’s nervous about Xavier because he reminds her of her ex who didn’t make her a priority and because he expressed his reservations about getting engaged. Xavier can thank his family for making it through to overnights, because they reassure Charity that Xavier is excited about being a husband and a dad; his fears are all tied to the extremely strange circumstances around falling in love on a TV show. It would be weirder if he didn’t have those fears, tbh. Also, his mom is so cute; she does a little double take when she sees him come in. Oh, and before meeting his family, Xavier takes Charity to a knitting class, but he doesn’t tell her where they’re going at first and asks her how long she can hold her breath. That’s a funny bit! I love Xavier, if I haven’t made that clear.
How far will he make it? Unfortunately, I think we’ll say good-bye to Xavier next week.
Bachelor odds: He’s my pick, but I doubt it’ll happen.
Finally, we’re in Fresno to meet Dotun’s family. He and Charity are both initially bummed because his parents are visiting Nigeria and won’t be able to meet her, but she does get to hang out with his grandma, who is, in the words of Dotun, “a whole vibe and a half.” He’s right; this lady rules. In fact, I changed my mind — we should get rid of hometowns and just have future Bachelor/ette couples meet Dotun’s grandma. But then Dotun’s parents walk in to surprise them, which is very sweet and extremely Charity’s shit. Dotun’s mom is gorgeous; she brings gifts for Charity (including a waist chain “for the bedroom”) and offers to throw them a big Nigerian wedding. Who wouldn’t want this woman as a mother-in-law? After the family meeting, Dotun takes Charity to a drive-in, where they watch a video with their baby pictures and home videos as well as shots from their one-on-one dates. Charity says her parents talk about going to the drive-in when they were dating, which she takes as a sign. Dotun gets the first rose of the ceremony.
How far will he make it?: As soon as he pulled into that drive-in, they should have called this thing for Dotun. Everyone else, good game, but it’s time to pack it in.
Bachelor odds: In the very unlikely event that Dotun isn’t engaged already, he could take it.
This was a relatively boring episode, which hometowns always are, but I just want to reiterate how good this season continues to be. We’re going into overnights without any major drama, but it doesn’t feel flat. This is the first time in ages that I actually like all three remaining contestants, and I will be genuinely bummed to see them get their hearts broken. This is what I want! The franchise has been flagging for years, and producers have tried to shake things up in response, but this season is proof that the format does work and a good lead makes all the difference. All of this is to say, make Xavier the Bachelor, cowards!
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