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Me: Lars von Trier, 67-year-old male director of films including Nymphomaniac and Dancer in the Dark.
You: Female.
Gray-haired, twice divorced, five-foot-seven, Danish, Palme d’Or–winning existential director of several well-regarded films. I have Parkinson’s disease, OCD, and, “at the moment, controlled alcoholism.” Planning to make a few more decent films in my lifetime. Charming partner, “on a good day, in the right company.” Knuckle tattoo reads FUCK. Not adept with social media, but Kirsten Dunst follows my finsta. Seeking a “female girlfriend/muse” moving forward. In need of a partner, and friends have made art testifying to this fact. I am not known for writing about positive relationships, preferring sadomasochism, psychosexual obsession, and plagues, but given that I see my work in trilogies, my next love will have extra importance. Those interested may contact bill.mrk.lars@gmail.com. Thank you for your infinite patience.
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