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Below Deck Down Under
All’s Fair in Love and Downpour
Season 2
Episode 4
Editor’s Rating
Photo: Bravo
We’re still early in the season, but there are already a handful of crew members that I desperately want to see get thrown overboard. Adam’s too uptight and a tad in over his head; Luke’s a creep who reeks of toxic masculinity and sucks as a bosun; and Laura’s inconsiderate, self-absorbed, and possibly one of the most villainous Below Deck stews ever. It makes for glorious television, but I’m growing more annoyed by the minute.
We pick up with Fletch’s foot injury, caused by Adam neglecting to wash the deck during his night shift. Aesha thinks it’s unacceptable for the deck team to not have ensured the boat was clean, and she’s right. Meanwhile, Captain Jason calls Luke to the bridge to ask about why the tow line wasn’t ready for the tender in the previous episode. Luke takes the blame, telling us that he doesn’t want to snitch on Adam because it’s his job to deal with him. I highly doubt Luke, who is arguably the bigger problem, will do anything to solve the Adam situation.
Aesha plans on doing service for the beach picnic alone and tells Laura to take a break during that time. Laura, however, desperately wants to sacrifice her break to go to the beach because she doesn’t trust Aesha to do a good job, which is laughable. Aesha eventually gives in and lets her join, but I really wish Aesha would put her foot down as opposed to giving in to her request since it makes Laura feel like she can get away with whatever she wants. Laura is completely taking advantage of Aesha’s kindness, and I will not stand for it.
Since the guests still want to head to the beach despite the bad weather, Captain Jason pushes up the beach picnic.. While the deckies get the tender ready, Tzarina stresses about the tomahawk steaks she planned on making, since she has significantly less time. Captain Jason heads to the galley to discuss it with Tzarina, who doesn’t want to cook something else since tomahawks were on the preference sheets. When Jason offers to cook them, she says she hates how he always has to “rescue her,” and he tells her that he’s annoyed by her attitude. Some notice definitely would’ve been great, but it’s not like Jason has control over these unforeseen circumstances. Plus, Jason has always been willing to help around the boat, so she really shouldn’t feel bad.
The crew then head to shore to set up for the picnic, which frankly doesn’t seem worth it. Beach picnics in general seem like a pain for the crew, and heavy rain and wind being involved makes it significantly worse. Nothing about sitting under a tent in the rain while eating on wet plates seems fun, but at least Tzarina’s surf and turf meal made up for it.
After everyone heads back to the boat, the deckhands try to pack up the slide, which yet again frustrates Adam. He gets mad when the hook hovers above Harry’s head and then tells Harry to slow down while rolling up the slide because it’s unsafe. Harry thinks he’s acting “ridiculous,” which I agree with. Elsewhere on the boat, Laura tells Aesha that she does, in fact, want to take a break so she can shower since her hair is messy. “I tend to get what I want, and with Aesha it’s easy,” she tells us. Laura’s a menace, and I hope that her departure is on the horizon. While she’s busy making herself “look good,” Margot and Aesha set up for the Greece-themed dinner. When Laura finally decides to get back to her job, she offers to start decorating, and Aesha informs her that they’ve already finished decorating. I genuinely think Laura forgets that she isn’t the chief stew.
Meanwhile, down in the crew mess, Adam confronts Luke about how the crane, hook, and slide situation shouldn’t be happening since it’s unsafe and unacceptable. Bold of Adam to be so concerned about safety when a guest cut his foot after he didn’t properly do his job.
For the dinner party, Aesha tasks Culver with dressing up as a Greek God. She mentions that Jack had requested a chocolate piñata but the provisionist could only find them a chocolate Easter egg. So Culver comes up with an elaborate plan to treat the egg like a sacred object. During the second course, the crew go to the table chanting, “Ooh, ooh, ah, ah,” as Culver — who’s draped in a white sheet, sporting a long wig and halo, and has gold sprayed on his body — delivers a monologue about Greek Gods in Mykonos before presenting them with the egg, which Jack has the honor of smashing. The chocolate flies all over the floor, which is a waste. Harry picks up the pieces and places them back on the table, which, gross. Also, I take back my uncertainty about Culver’s return. He’s the saving grace of this deck team and truly lives up to his role as CEO. He’s also extremely hot — cheers to the person who decided to give us a close-up of his abs — so I really can’t complain.
Afterwards, Luke pulls Adam aside and tells him to speak with him privately next time he has an issue to discuss. He wants them to be direct with each other, but then Luke tells Culver to do his dirty work of relaying the night shift tasks to Adam rather than being assertive and doing it himself. At this point, I think Culver would do a significantly better job as bosun.
Later in the evening, Laura and Adam eat dinner together — even though Adam’s probably supposed to be completing his night shift duties — and chat about how Laura doesn’t really live anywhere and how Adam’s single because he’s scared of getting hurt. In a confessional, Laura says that she’s attracted to him before revealing that she was engaged five years ago and kept the ring, adding that she hopes to find someone who will take it off her. As much as Adam’s annoying me right now, I hope he stays the hell away from her.
After Margot and Harry have an early-morning coffee date — side note: Am I going crazy, or did they show the same scene from last week for this? — the guests depart, and I can’t let them go without mentioning how lovely and chill they were. At the tip meeting, Captain Jason announces that they received a $15,000 tip. He also awards Tzarina with the disco helmet, which is stupid since her food was a hit. Afterwards, Laura asks Aesha if she can start finishing work 40 minutes early so that she can have more time to get ready. Friends, I literally burst out laughing. The audacity! Aesha tells her no because it’s not fair to her and Margot — which, true! — and that maybe Laura should consider taking less time to get ready. Also true! I’m glad Aesha isn’t continuing to take shit from Laura.
Everyone’s eager to get shitfaced, but of course Laura takes [checks notes] a million hours to get ready. Like, the woman is trimming her hair with scissors as Aesha receives texts about their dinner reservation and everyone waits around for her. What’s funnier is that Laura takes all this time to get ready, yet she looks no different than she did before.
They finally arrive at the restaurant, where Adam does a very American thing by asking if he can have a BLT with ketchup, which obviously isn’t on the menu. Luke describes Harry and Margot’s dynamic at the table as “two 14-year-olds on their first date.” Meanwhile Laura licks Adam’s hand for no reason. It’s an extremely awkward moment because Adam is clearly uncomfortable and uninterested. Laura, picking up on his vibes, decides to shift her attention to Luke and sits on his lap. They start kissing, eventually stepping away from the group to make out. Luke tells us that he’s entertaining Laura since she’s giving him the attention that Margot isn’t. Luke is just a fuckboy who lovebombs and will flirt with anything that moves. Still, Margot can’t help but feel jealous. Margot can do so much better, and I can only hope that she comes to her senses and runs in the opposite direction.
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